If you ever wondered if God’s going to leave you stranded, let this testimony ignite your faith. My last “official” date of employment with CPS was on Aug 12. I resigned without a plan in mind – I just knew I couldn’t keep up the pace I was going in that job. But I also knew that I couldn’t afford to go unemployed indefinitely unless we wanted to sacrifice the amenities for which we’d worked and saved to afford for so long. 

I’ve been discontented for awhile, feeling like I’ve been in a cycle of settling for the same lackluster positions in semi-lackluster pseudo-counseling/pseudo-social-work fields because it’s all I’ve ever done – even though I know it’s not all I’m capable of doing. I’ve felt somewhat underutilized, with credentials that include a relatively obscure Masters degree that, as best I can figure, amounts to something just shy of diddly-squat (oh yes I did just say diddly-squat in an ACTUAL published blog post), and I’ve repeatedly settled for less than the best possibilities in my career, which have still somehow managed to take precedence over my own family.  I’ve gravitated more and more toward giving the best of myself to a career that leaves me depleted and dry, returning home with only leftover crumbs of crankiness and despair to dole out to my own family. Over the years, I’ve forgotten how to reserve enough emotional capacity to shower positivity on the home-front because I’ve been working so hard to muster it up elsewhere.

It’s as if everything was flipped on its head at some point – priorities, I mean – and it all became clear to me sometime between May and July this year, when I found myself more and more frequently struggling to catch my breath (I mean literally!) Everything culminated one fateful (and frightening) Friday night as I lay in bed crying myself to sleep with legitimate chest pains – half-afraid I was going to die and yet half-okay if it really was, in fact, my appointed time to go.

And that’s when I decided enough was enough! Not “enough of CPS!” No. Enough of the entire. f….reaking. charade. (You’re welcome for the edit because I’ve never wanted to use the actual expletive so badly in my life!)

The bottom line is that I chose the roles of wife and mother, which means I owe my family the best of me.

I’ve wasted too much time allowing my commitment to my career to supersede my commitment to my children. We can all talk a good game about priorities and self-care, but for me, things weren’t adding up – and I couldn’t MAKE THEM add up with room to spare for self-care, no matter which way I did the math. Because I was choosing career paths that were ultimately leaving me unfulfilled – career paths that might represent the pinnacle of success and enjoyment for others who are wired differently than me – but career paths that didn’t suit my particular gifts, life goals, and passions.

In short, I was defaulting to the FAMILIAR because I didn’t believe I could actually attain the FULFILLING.

But oh the JOY of life’s journey that leads us to places we never foresaw, and often beckons us back to the path we were designed to be on, when we simply let go! To be really honest, my career as a college advisor wasn’t all that bad. It left me with just enough boredom and itch for something more to nudge me out of my comfort zone to try something else. So, I did – despite every roadblock and sign that pointed back the other way. It reminded me of an amusement park ride where they post all these “dead end” “do not enter “turn back now” “last exit or else” signs!

I ignored every one of them. Ohhhh YES I did!!

And, I can humbly (and yet somehow proudly, now) admit that I jumped out of a frying pan and directly into the fire, which is precisely what my gut told me was going to happen. If I hadn’t gotten stir crazy and gone to work for CPS (despite every naysayer’s discouragement – which, incidentally, only served to spur me on to prove them wrong….), then I probably would have never been in the position to recognize that “flipped on its head” thing I mentioned earlier that prompted me to say ENOUGH! I need to stop this charade and take a step back to reassess my career goals with clear and unclouded judgment.

It was a decision that absolutely demanded I trust, with every fiber of my being, that God really is and always will be Jehovah Jireh, as He SAYS He IS.

So, I did. I walked away from a healthy salary and retirement and medical benefits and said, “I need a career that affords me the opportunity to pour into my family and be present with the emotional capacity to engage fully and joyfully with my children, and still have time to do the things that make my heart leap – like writing, and podcasting, and creating, and encouraging and refreshing people. Some people will say this is impossible but I hear that, with God, all things are possible! So, are you going to do something about this, or what, God?”

Except it probably looked something more like this (some people might call this a midlife crisis…):

I’ll give you 3-in-1 guesses WHO showed up and declared “I AM!”

God showed up almost IMMEDIATELY with answers, clarity, and open doors that I never saw coming!  I’m well aware that this is going to stretch some people – but it’s crazy and I can’t NOT share!

Four days prior to my last day of work, I dropped by my brother’s office at Keller Williams Realty to drop off a notebook for him, but something leapt in my gut when I pulled into the parking lot. A sense of “Oh this just feels right!” But I’m an over-thinker. I thought it must be my imagination. Gary retired and moved into full-time real estate about two years ago, and he now has a real estate team called Momentum Group. I thought, “Okay, I’m just looking for the next thing and not waiting on the Lord,” so I threw out my own far-fetched fleece, of sorts. (Reference Gideon’s negotiations with God in Judges 6.) “Okay, God,” I said, in full pompous we’ll just see about this fashion, “If that sense I felt is really from you, and I’m supposed to pursue real estate, then show me the word MOMENTUM … today.”

I went about my day, swiftly forgetting entirely about my fleece, as I was still in the busy and demanding throes of protecting families and children. That night, while winding down for bed, I felt compelled to go back through some of my old journals, to see if I could glean any wisdom, direction, or encouragement for what’s next from previous revelations I’d recorded in my journals. (Let me add that the compulsion to peruse old journal entries isn’t commonplace for me. It happens once every year or so.)  As I studied my shelf, lined with a handful of journals (6 or 7, at least), I found myself gravitating toward my green one. I opened up and began studying old dreams and nuggets of clarity I’d jotted down in the pages. Flipping from an entry near the back to one near the front, and back again, I tried to extract relevant slivers of hope to apply to my current circumstances. But, then I found the entry that stopped me in my tracks – a dream I’d recorded on March 31, 2015. There, in my own handwriting, on the very day I threw out a fool-proof fleece that had, by then, quietly retreated to the recesses of my brain, at 11:14pm, I read:

WHAAAAAT! I lost my breath again, but for a very different reason this time. “How can you dispute that?!” you might ask. And yet – I don’t fully trust myself when it comes to discerning whether I’m hearing from God – so I still wasn’t convinced to move forward. I told myself I’d start my classes, but it just seemed like a really big leap, and I couldn’t make myself take that step. So nearly a month later, I decided to ask for a confirmation – before spending money to enroll in real estate classes. I put out the same fleece. Because I’m creative like that. “Show me the word MOMENTUM. One more time. Please. I know I’m stubborn, but I’ve got to know this if from You, God.” Late that night – I kid you not – I was shopping for gymnastics leotards for my daughter, when lo and behold, I came across this leotard:

Yeah. I enrolled in classes the very next day. Hahaha!

BUT, FRIENDS, BELIEVE IT OR NOT, IT GETS EVEN BETTER THAN THIS!

Real estate takes a little while to get started, and one night I felt the pressure of the reality of my decision to lay down a salary altogether – a decision we could not realistically financially maintain for long. But God knows. HE KNOWS!!!

My last “official” day of employment was on August 12. On August 12, I received a text message, out of the blue, from someone I’d never met before. I’ll spare you the details because this post is already so long, but suffice it to say, I experienced the manifestation of the expression, “When one door closes, another one opens.” Or “When life closes a door, God opens a window.” All I did was resign. And on the date it was official, opportunity knocked on my door without me even looking.

After a seemingly divinely ordered sequence of events, I can now officially-officially announce that, in addition to pursuing my real estate license, I have accepted an offer to jump on board with Resolution Solutions and the Palm House, where I will be working part-time, assisting with developing and facilitating regional training programs, workshops, and communication groups for female victims of violent crimes and first responders – with the mission of preventing re-victimization. I have been afforded an incredible opportunity to join up with a powerhouse team to train first responders and victims about the neurology of trauma and application of Trauma Informed Care, including the vital importance of self-care for first responders (which, as many people know, is a burr in my saddle!!)

I’m so stinkin’ stoked about this opportunity and eternally grateful to a God who shows up to deliver on His promises and finish what He’s started in us! As a survivor and overcomer of significant trauma in both my childhood and adulthood, those who know my story will understand how absolutely flawlessly fitting such a cause is for me, as it so beautifully represents the culmination of my personal history, skill set, experience, gifts, and passion for people being woven together for the GOOD for His glory!

I kinda want to pinch myself.

Don’t be afraid to re-align your priorities. And, keep the faith, my friends!