I’ve finally received the revelation I have been waiting for!  I’ve had all of the head knowledge in the world, but as Bob Hazlett so finely puts it, “Information changes thoughts, but Revelation changes beliefs.”

See, I am a worship leader.  We are all called to worship.  But, I have felt for most of my life that I have a call to lead worship.  That call lay dormant in my life for a long time. In fact, it was only recently (like, in the past week) that the Lord revealed to me that I actually felt this call even before I went to college, but I suppressed it, due to unfounded irrational fear of my parents’ criticism if I chose to major in “music.”  So, I went a more acceptable route. A more practical one: Psychology and Religion.

But, as the Lord would have it, He has taken me full circle and called me back into that destiny.

Now, let me first say that I don’t try to pretend that I fathom exactly what that call looks like, in its entirety.  For now, it looks pretty simple.  I am part of the ensemble on my rather large worship team at church (where it is very easy to feel insignificant, tiny, and even unneeded, if I pay enough attention to the enemy’s messages).  In addition to that, I lead worship for my life group — just me and my guitar, which I play just well enough to get by, in someone’s home, with 8-12 others, one night a week.  And, I also lead worship for my class at TSSM (Transformation School of Supernatural Ministry), which is comparable to the life group setting.  In addition to that, I have been asked more and more often, lately, to lead for various special events, in slightly larger settings (like a small church conference, a women’s retreat, a Walk to Emmaus, etc.)  All in all, I have adopted the philosophy in Zechariah 4:10: “Do not despise these small beginnings, for the LORD rejoices to see the work begin…” (NLT)

So, now you know where I am, practically, on this journey.  But, the more important piece is where I am, spiritually, on this journey.

Here’s the thing about being called into Worship Ministry (which I’m certain applies to many other ministries, as well).  To some extent, there is naturally a need to be able to perform.  Now, don’t get me wrong.  I’m not saying the focus of worship is to put on a show, but it requires a certain level of obvious gifting in performance — whether it’s an ability to carry a decent tune in a bucket, keep a good rhythm, or excel on an instrument.  There is a performance aspect to it.  Consequently, there are ofttimes “perfect storm” opportunities for ego struggles.  You are surrounded by other people who feel called to do the same thing, and, in the natural, it is very easy to fall prey to comparison.  This is a tactic that I have become utterly convinced the enemy uses to divert people from their destinies.  I mean, think about the frustrations you have in your life.  The disappointments.  The fears.  How many of those things are rooted in comparison?  For me, that answer is: a LOT.

In the past month, I started stepping out more and more into this call to lead worship, but I felt like I was hitting a wall that I couldn’t seem to break through.  I felt stuck.  Like I was having to concentrate too much, and wasn’t actually entering into a really strong place of worship, myself, any time I was in a role of leader.  And, then the Lord spoke to me.  During some alone time with Him one day, He very clearly told me, “I have a destiny for you.  And, it is good.  It is beyond what you can fathom.  But, you have got to let go of these insecurities you insist on hanging onto, if you are going to make it any further into that destiny.”

It was profound.  But, so true. (Imagine that!  God spoke truth!)  I was so busy wallowing in my own insecurities (rooted mostly in comparison) that I was refusing to trust Him into those scary, but exhilarating places He wanted to take me!  And, it was hindering me!  I was hindering myself!!  I had to choose to let those things go!

That was the beginning of the revelation.

God is so sweet.  There have been so many times that I have questioned whether this is just a personal desire of my heart that I have somehow wedged into a “Hannah-made-mold,” convincing myself that it is a calling from God, or whether it is truly something He desires for my life.  Ever since I started questioning that, He has sent me so many prophetic words to confirm this as a calling.  But, perhaps the most powerful one came last night, during my life group, after I had led worship for the group.  And, it propelled me into the revelation my heart has been waiting for!!

We sat around last night, asking Holy Spirit to give us pictures or words of prophecy for one another.  And, one person said, “Well, I asked for a word for Brian, but I got one for Hannah.”  He proceeded to tell me that he got a picture of me standing in the middle of the stage at Beltway, alone with my guitar, and he said he felt like the Lord was moving me into more of a leadership position.  Then, came the rest.  Another person in the group, whom I barely know, released a prophetic word over me that I have an anointing that reminds him of Misty Edwards (although he clarified that he realizes I am, obviously, not Misty Edwards).  He continued, stating that I have a strong anointing in my life, an Anna anointing (see Luke 2:36-38 and  http://propheticteaching.blogspot.com/2011/12/called-to-be-anna.html for more info) and I have a call to raise up others into 24/7 intercessory prayer and worship.  This is the 5th person in the past month who has spoken to me about a specific “anointing” I carry in worship (and I can’t count how many words I have received about my anointing as an intercessor).  One person described that, during worship, I am able to reach into the heavenlies, and pull things back into the atmosphere from heaven, without even realizing it.  Several others have described that it’s not about my voice, per se, but what happens in the atmosphere when I worship.

And, last night, all of those words came to this beautiful culminating TRUTH in the depths of my spirit.  Who cares if I sing like Misty Edwards? Or Kari Jobe? Or Kim Walker-Smith? Or (from my own church’s worship team) Cherith Newman or Rosetta Moore? Or Anyone Else??

Who cares what my voice sounds like?!  It’s not about that!!  I don’t have to sound like anyone but me!!  

Because it’s not about me at ALL!!  The important thing is the work God does in the in-between.  

The in-between my mouth and others’ ears!  

The in-between my spirit and others’ hearts!!  

The anointing.

 That is the thing that makes me called!  That is the thing that makes this my ministry.  

It’s not the quality of sound.  It’s the quality of His presence that is released!!  

It’s nothing that I can do, nothing that I am responsible for!  My only responsibility is saying YES!  

YES, I DO!  

YES, I WILL!  

YES, YOUR STRENGTH IS PERFECTED IN MY WEAKNESS!!  

YES, YOUR GRACE IS SUFFICIENT FOR ME!  

YOU HAVE CALLED, AND I HAVE ANSWERED!  

YES, LORD!  I SAY YES!

See, He just wants our yes — to whatever He has called us to.  If He has called us, He believes in us.  Not because of our own personal greatness, but because we are carriers of His greatness.  We have to get our eyes off of our own weakness, and focus, instead, on His strength.  We have to lay aside comparison, and trust that He doesn’t call us to a place where we should be glorified, but to a place where He will be glorified!  For that reason, we can rest in confidence that if we are listening to Him and following His voice, then we are destined to partner with Him for something pretty stinkin’ incredible, no matter the scale, no matter the magnitude.  Because when He’s at the control panel — it is always a win!!  It is for this reason that I choose to conquer the demon of comparison.  To stop wallowing in my weakness and start standing on His strength.  To give myself over to Him in total surrender and trust.  To answer His call with a resounding YES!

Who’s with me??