“I don’t tell many people this, as I don’t want to sound crazy, but I know you will understand. We do not plan to have any more children. However, awhile back I felt like God distinctly told me we are going to have 3 children. I don’t know if that means I will have another baby or we will end up adopting, or what. Maybe it was all in my head, for all I know, but it felt like a crystal-clear message one day, out-of-the-blue. So, we shall see…”

 

THE PROMISE

Do you ever get a sense deep in your gut – a message that you’re completely positive is a direct word from the Lord? Well, call me crazy, but I do. I mean, don’t get me wrong. There are plenty of times when I get ideas in my head and I wonder – is this from the Lord, or is it from my imagination, or is it just a lie? But some things (I can count on one hand how many times it’s happened) sink into my gut like a ton of bricks, and I just know that I know that I know – THAT WAS FROM GOD. Those words that I wrote to a friend when my youngest (who is now nearly 7) was only 1 year, 1 month, and 1 day old were the confession (agreement) with one of those rare crystal-clear messages that I was utterly convinced was from the Lord.

Of course, that was six years ago. And, my husband (aka The Family Realist) had (and has continuously) expressed adamant opposition to having another child. According to The Family Realist, having three children “changes everything. You have to have a bigger vehicle. You have to wait longer to get a table for five – as opposed to four – in a restaurant. You’re outnumbered. You’re on zone defense with three. With two, you can divide and conquer.” All valid considerations.

But that didn’t change the fact that I knew that I knew that I knew I’d heard from the Lord.

Or had I?

I began to wonder. I began to rationalize. Well, maybe He didn’t mean a LITERAL third baby? Maybe He meant I’d have a Spiritual daughter, or a foster child, or maybe we would adopt.

Or would we?

I began to question. Had I actually heard from the Lord, at all? But I was so sure. Remember – it wasn’t one of those “Oh this could just be my imagination” moments. It was one of those few “I can count on one hand” moments I was absolutely certain was from God. So certain, in fact, that I could never actually let it go.

Even though we faithfully (and I mean FAITH-FULLLLLLL-Y) protected against pregnancy, I still occasionally got a hankering to take a pregnancy test here and there. Because if the Lord said it – then He would make a way. Or he would at least bring The Realist on-board. Right? I mean, that only makes sense.

THE OPPOSITION

But that didn’t happen. And over time, I began to doubt. I doubted that I’d actually heard from the Lord, at all. And if I missed the mark on such a grand scale then, then how could I confidently trust I actually heard from the Lord ever. So, for the past several years, every single time I’ve felt I had a word from the Lord, the thought has been immediately, without fail, proceeded by a tiny voice in the back of my head: Yeah. But remember how confident you were that the Lord told you you’d have a third child?

I eventually asked the Lord to take away the desire for more, if it wasn’t from Him. And, sure enough, over time, my desire to have another baby began to dwindle. Well, at least I convinced myself it had. I told myself, “Well, my kids are older now – so much more independent. We get to have so many adventures. I couldn’t imagine going back to the baby stage at this point in life.” I’d even observe mommies chasing their strong-willed two-year-olds and think, “Oh BLESS it, I’m so glad we are past that phase!”

Maybe it was really just my faith that had dwindled. Not my faith in God, but my faith in my own ability to hear him.

THE WHISPERS OF HOPE

Fast forward to 2017. Every year, at New Year, I steal away for quiet time with the Lord and ask for a word for every single month of the year. I journal this information, so I can look back throughout the year and see how the Lord showed up and whether my word for the month was on-point. My recorded word for January was “Believe Me.”

In January, I was on a city-wide worship team called EXALT, and at rehearsal one night in mid-January, our leader, Paul, said, “I believe the Lord has a word for us tonight and that word is ‘Believe me.’ But it’s deeper than that. It is ‘Believe that you hear me – not part of the time, but all of the time.’” I was immediately flooded with emotion, as I remembered that my biggest hang-up in trusting that I hear Him all of the time is that I’d missed it so glaringly six years ago. I felt positive that word that Paul heard was spot-on for me. Or was it? Do any of us actually hear from God? I mean, really??

A few days later, as I tucked my (nearly 7-year-old) baby into bed, she randomly said to me – straight out-of-the-blue – “Mommy, if you had everything, you’d have a baby in your tummy.” I laughed and assured her that Mommy would not be having a baby in my tummy, and that I already had everything. Then, I had a bizarre dream, but very vivid, in which my dad had put a sticky note on a can of vegetables in my pantry that said, “Surprise! It’s a GIRL! Mum’s the word!”

So, in January I had a sudden resurgence of obsession with the idea of pregnancy, even though I didn’t consciously desire to have a third child.

THE FRUITION

Without divulging too many details, January and February rolled by, and I had some unusual irregularities in my cycle. I chalked it up to getting older – after all I am pushing 40. In March, The Family Realist and I took literally the first remote (and I’m not exaggerating even a little bit) calculated unprotected risk we have taken in seven years, and due to my cyclical irregularities of the prior months (or more accurately – due to the promise of God over our lives), I ovulated a solid week early – so early, in fact, that I tested positive on a home pregnancy test at technically (based on lmp) only 2-weeks and 5-days pregnant.

And THIS, my friends, is testimony to the fact that God is good on His promises!!! Believe Him. Believe that you hear him all of the time. Not just part of the time. And cling to it, my friends. Even when it doesn’t happen in the timing you expect! His timing is impeccable. We are expecting our third child in the same month that I turn 40, seven years after His promise landed on my heart. A promise I could never seem to shake, try though I might.

What promise have you given up on? What promise have your resigned yourself to as “just not realistic?” With God – all things are possible, my friend. All. Things.

“Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.” Proverbs 19:21