Man. This day has been so amazing!! Nothing speaks to my soul more than nature, and I think that’s the way God made it (Psalm 104:24-25)!! I’ll admit, I was a little funky earlier – wallowing in the pit of #fomo (which I only recently learned the meaning of), but I got off of my mopey rear, went for a painfully pathetic jog….or wog, as it were….leaning more toward the “walk” side a majority of the time….

And then took my son outside to play at the park. Not just for him to play, but for me to play with him. Not to sit on a bench, enjoying the time to get lost in my mobile device, but to engage with him.  To chase him and let him “TAG YOU’RE IT, NO TAG BACKS!” me.  To throw the football.  To let him “Go long for the Superbowl winnnnnn!!!!”

In short – to remember what a blessing I have in my sweet children.

Listen, motherhood is not easy.  I won’t lie — I’ve had many a moment when I have sat in utter frustration and thought, “I didn’t put enough thought into what being a parent would entail.”  It. is. hard.  If you’re not a parent yet, I’m here to tell you, children have a curious knack for sending you right to the very brink of your wits’ end.  Like you never thought they would.

But, today.  Today, I remembered.

I remembered that this is the family I prayed for. I remembered how, in my mid-20’s, I so desperately wanted to be a mom someday. And I remembered how threatened that possibility seemed when I went through a divorce at age 27, having not had children yet.  I remembered the dreams I had of carefree living with my babies — raising them in the Word, going to church as a family, playing at the park, playing games, creating art and music with my loves, being a soccer mom.  All dreams that seemed to be at risk of never making it to reality.

But, they did.  I got to become a Mommy in my 30’s, later than many of my friends, who are now enduring the teenage years.

And yet, when my daughter wallows with her [almost daily] “I can’t find anything positive in life” temper tantrums, and my son rages in his disrespectful tirades that seem like they’ll never end, when my kids get in the car and immediately begin bickering and being outright mean to one another, when my 7-year-old seems like he’ll never make it through the night without peeing the bed and my daughter seems like she’ll never actually sleep through the night, I wonder, “Is this what I really wanted?  Maybe I should have thought this through.”

So, today I did.  I thought it through.

I think the #1 stealer of Mommy joy is exhaustion.  But I think the exhaustion comes from a place that is somewhat self-inflicted.

The most exhausting part of being a mom is when you let distractions from your main role get in the way. When you busy yourself with things outside of the home (including ministry, Moms!!), or when social media or comparison works its way into your day and you find yourself so preoccupied with with the greener grass you’d rather be playing in that you fail to tend to your own. You fail to notice the floral sprigs springing up all over the place because you’re too busy looking elsewhere.  When you do look up, it’s just in time to see the dead spots because those are the ones that catch your eye. And those are the ones that you think need immediate attention so they don’t take over the entire yard.

But, what if we looked up and watered those floral sprigs?  Let them take over like wildflowers!!

Lately, I’ve paid so much more attention to the budding blooms than the dead spots.  The blooms in our yard consist of things like my son’s brilliant sense of humor and my daughter’s passion for cuddling and reading, of both of my kids’ love for the outdoors and love for sports!!  So, I’ve tried to be more present in these things.  To put aside my distractions.  To see them.  To hear them. To take advantage of the opportunity to behave like a kid again, myself. To dance with them and play with them.  To laugh with them and at them, and to remember what it was like to enjoy life as much as children do!!  And to watch them in wonder — at the rare beauty that makes them so uniquely THEM.

Those aren’t the only spots in my yard that have to be tended.  I also have personal needs – that aren’t the same as distractions, which divert my attention from the important stuff, but instead fill my cup so that I can be the best mom I can be when I’m with my kids.  My personal needs can’t be set aside but absolutely must be watered or I become depleted – AKA exhausted – and just like that, Mommy JOY is stolen.  My needs include my own personal alone-time – time at the park (or anywhere in nature), where I just sit and listen to the Lord or read, time for creative expression (like writing, painting and music, which have an unexplainable ability to make me come alive when I actually make time for them!!), time for working out, and precious time with life-giving friends — those who know me inside and out, who embrace my transparency and take joy in sharing my burdens and speaking identity over me!

Listen up, Mommies!!  If you take one thing away from this post, take this:

There is nothing selfish about tending to your personal needs.

It is nothing more than mommy martyrdom to assume that you must put everyone else first to the point that there is nothing left for yourself.  No one wins from that.  It’s like spraying grass killer – mistakenly stored in a fertilizer container – all over your yard!  You think you’re providing nourishment, but in reality it leads to a slow eventual mysterious death of all that was once alive.

So, my challenge to you today is to notice the blooms in your yard.  Which ones are already there that you haven’t seen in awhile?  Figure out your distractions.  And figure out why you’re letting them in.  What are your personal needs?  Make a plan to do something that makes your heart sing every single day.  Don’t compromise on this.  May the blooms of your yard take over like wildflowers!!!  The grass may be greener on the other side, but YOURS, my friend will be budding with rainbows of fresh blooms, signifying the fulfillment of promises over your precious family!