I have really been dealing lately with pressing into more of what the Lord has for me.  Of learning more about what my purpose is.  Of what my mission is.

I went to a conference today (Compassion in Action) that only drove that desire deeper.  I totally felt the Holy Spirit moving in my heart, and I found myself all weepy, which I did NOT expect.  But, I was moved to answer an altar call to just go up and meet God and get the answers to precisely where He is calling me.  So, you can imagine my surprise when I got to the altar, and all I heard was….

SILENCE.

Not a word.

I covered my ears to drown out the prayers and worship I heard going on all around me, but it didn’t help. I couldn’t drown out the noise and just tune into God’s voice.

To say I was disappointed is an understatement.  I mean, I really felt He wanted me to surrender at the altar, where He fully intended to encounter me and tell me what’s up.

But, it didn’t happen.

I almost stayed for prayer afterward….for someone to pray over me because I’m having trouble hearing God.  But, I opted to leave.

When I got in my car, I started in on the “woe is me” cries to the Lord.  Why were you silent?  What do you have for me?  Where are you calling me, Lord?  I want to know!  I want to GO!

But, I also found myself, in that exact same breath, before ever hearing a word  from the Lord, begin making excuses for why I will not be able to answer His call. (It really wasn’t even on a conscious level, at first!)

“If it’s volunteering my time, Lord, I won’t have time with how much I travel for work, and the kids are so small.  If it’s writing music, Lord, I don’t think I’ve got what it takes.  If it’s missions, Lord, I don’t know… because I don’t think Jeremy will go for that….”  The list went on!

No wonder he didn’t speak!  He couldn’t get a word in edgewise!  Here I was, crying out for a mission, and basically turning down that mission before He even had the time to tell me what it was.

Just when I was convinced that He wasn’t there, He didn’t hear my cry, and He would forever remain silent, He spoke.  Short, and simple, yet powerful:

In those two simple words, God spoke a deep and profound truth to my heart.  He knows where I am and who I am.  He knows my circumstances, and He is bigger than any of those things.  If He calls me to something, He will make the provision for it to happen.  And, that’s not just a provision of “finances,” but a provision of support and time and resources, and anything I need to fulfill the purpose which He has designed for me.

See, I think God wants our YES, even before we know what the “yes” is to!